Sometimes, it is hard to feel connected in therapy-be it due to a format that does not suit one’s needs or simply not knowing whether the number of sessions will suffice. Fortunately, there are ways of looking at counselling so that meaningful insights can be gained when an existential perspective is involved. I work from an existential perspective which primarily a philosophical modality: it grounds you in your individual existence within the world, helping to clarify what is of true meaning and importance for you, without imposing rigid categorisation.
The following are some reflections on maximising the benefits of psychotherapy, integrated with existential themes:
How Can I Feel More Connected and Engaged in Therapy: With an Existential Perspective
Check Whether Therapy Feels Right for You at This Moment
Ask yourself: Am I ready to shine a light on my emotions and behaviors, even if it brings up some tougher emotions? Is there anything that needs attention first, such as serious financial or housing concerns?
The existential approach to therapy and counselling emphasise your freedom to choose when to engage with therapy. It also stresses personal responsibility: if life circumstances are overwhelming right now, you might decide that addressing those concerns first will let you enter therapy more openly.
Decide What You Want to Explore
Set small, realistic aims: Work with your therapist to shape a shared direction you both find meaningful.
Therapists who take a philosophical stance often invite you to reflect on your fundamental beliefs, values, and sense of purpose. Defining what you hope to address in therapy can help you see how your everyday struggles connect to larger life questions.
Get Familiar with the Approach
Ask for clarity: If your therapist uses terms that feel unfamiliar, request an explanation. This can deepen your sense of comfort and involvement.
Because existential therapists and counsellors don’t fit people into strict models, they can adjust their style to meet you where you are. This flexible stance means you can expect genuine exploration—less about “fixing” and more about seeking truth with an open, curious attitude.
Focus on What Feels Important
Use your time wisely: It’s your space, so focus on the challenges that truly matter.
Existential counselling revolves around what holds significance in your life. Together, you and your therapist can revisit paradoxes, losses, and personal dilemmas, clarifying your view of who you are and how you relate to the world.
Speak Up About What Helps—or Doesn’t
Be frank: If something doesn’t seem useful, or if certain techniques resonate, let your therapist know.
In existential approach non-directiveness doesn’t mean aimlessness. Even if your therapist takes a gentle, reflective stance, they can also engage in active dialogue if you need more structure. That collaborative flexibility is central to this approach.
Tips for In-Person Therapy
Make the Room Feel Welcoming
You could ask to adjust the lighting or temperature. Feeling at ease can help you open up to deeper self-reflection.
Bring Something Grounding
A small memento or an object you can hold might give you a sense of calm in moments of heightened emotion.
Have a Trusted Person Nearby
It can be reassuring to know someone is waiting outside or ready to meet you afterward, especially if therapy stirs up intense feelings.
Tips for Phone or Online Therapy
Many of us speak now with therapists by phone or video. While sometimes that’s convenient, some people find it harder to feel at ease without face-to-face contact. If that’s your concern, these ideas might help:
Arrange Things in Advance with Your Therapist
Talk about whether you prefer the phone or video.
Ask about the platform they use and how your data is safeguarded.
Figure out who reconnects if the call drops.
Decide how long each session will be, especially if screen time is tiring.
Mention any modifications you need, such as turning off your camera for part of the session or having a friend in the next room.
Seek assistance with setting up the environment
If a format of video calls / conferencing are new to you, someone who can be trusted in your life can give you a quick tutorial.
Find a Private, safe and Comfortable Spot
Do your best to find a quiet spot where you won’t be interrupted or overheard. Headphones can help you keep things private. Some clients like to take a walk in a quiet location if that feels safe.
Relax During the Session
Keep a comforting item close by, or take a few steady breaths before you begin. Small rituals can help anchor you.
Plan for After the Session
Therapy may stir up big emotions. Consider doing something soothing afterward—listening to music, relaxing in a different room, or taking a slow walk outdoors. You might also let a friend know you’ve just had a session, so they can check in.
Have Patience with Yourself
Building a trusting bond with your therapist can feel unfamiliar in a remote setting. If it’s challenging to settle into this format, share how you feel—honesty often leads to more genuine connection in existential work, as it highlights real concerns about how we relate to each other.
When Therapy Ends
Finishing therapy can spark all kinds of emotions—relief, sadness, gratitude, or uncertainty. This is influenced by the bond you and your therapist have created. Talk through any fears or hopes you have about wrapping up. An existential counselor, especially, might encourage you to reflect on how your therapeutic journey fits into your broader life story.
If Therapy Doesn’t Seem to Help
Sometimes, the relationship might feel off, or the style doesn’t click. You could:
- Share any concerns with your current therapist.
- Inquire about different approaches.
- Ask your GP or local service if there’s another therapist you can meet.
- Consider a private practitioner with a different way of working.
- Take a break from therapy to explore other avenues that speak more directly to your values.
In existential counselling, the goal is not to impose a particular viewpoint. Instead, the focus is on guiding you to connect more honestly with your own experiences—taking stock of your situation, grappling with past and future concerns, and finding clarity in your values. By actively shaping therapy to fit your needs, you’re already taking a step toward living with a greater sense of presence and purpose.
